I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
