Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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