i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
