i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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