"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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