if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
