ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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