so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is the high leading the old right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
