I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
