I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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