just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
