I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Boobs are out for the taking
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
