508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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