I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
