I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
