We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
