so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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