Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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