i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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