yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
