wanna go halves on a baby?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
