I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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