I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize