I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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