There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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