found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
