Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
