my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
false alarm, still single
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize