I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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