I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Found the puke drawer
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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