Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
