fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
