She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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