She's JV to your varsity
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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