do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
