so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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