pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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