She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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