My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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