Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
