It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he puts the penis in happiness.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
