You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
