Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
