my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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