that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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