someone threw a dead crab at me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
