I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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