My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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