I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
