now i know why i became what i already was.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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