He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
