everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
