I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize