My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize