this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
