You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
