she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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