I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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