I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
