I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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