Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
