Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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