Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
