I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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