Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
