I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
