when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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