what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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