how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
