Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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