She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
