someone owes me an orgasm
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
