Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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