i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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