My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
and you fell through a lawn chair
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize