Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
