He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
