sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
