Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
