I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
