I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
