Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
