My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
