She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
