2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize