woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
