it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
