he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
