i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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