i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
