i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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