i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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