pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
