Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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