I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
