coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
