You made me cry and you don't even care
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
