you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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