Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
