currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My dick has a subreddit
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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