dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
