I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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