Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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