i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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