Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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