I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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