Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
