cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
